I haven't written in a while

Sorry people I haven't written in a while I was taking a break, trying to clear my head, do some thinking and I was taking a few midterms and writing some papers..taking trips around VA. Now I don't usually post what I am feeling as a fear of alienating readers, friends, family, acquaintances but this has been bothering me for a WHILE!

So here it is....one I am so tired of the drama and competition. I am so tired of people wanting to compete with me, I don't care what you do, as long as you are happy, you do you and i'll do me. I honestly think this person is just so un-professional maybe even a little unhappy because if you are trolling and lurking around and hiding behind your internet and then making brash or brazen comments then you are unprofessional even a bully..... just maintain my personal blog, yep just 100% me posting, and no I don't get paid for it..Honestly I am really trying to make my goals I set for myself, and no while I won't step on you I am moving forward towards my goal and it is either you are with me or in my way, you choose. It is always something, I mean someone is always trying to make it a competition and I really just want to focus on me, my kids, my family, that's it!

Two..... I think I have met the most rude and undermining people in the last few years that I needed a break from that entire scene and I now decided to focus on what's important to my family and myself. I am so sorry that I let myself get all caught up in the hype that I am super disappointed I got off my path. Yes my husband is going through some stuff related to his previous deployments it isn't as serious as it used to be but it's still there lurking around and no he isn't diagnosed with PTSD or TBI but I think he should have been a while ago when it happened or freshly happened b/c now so much time has passed and those memories or feelings aren't as strong but they are still there. It is like pregnancy, yes I know I was in pain...... when I had my oldest because it was natural child birth no drugs or pain medicine (only b/c it was too late to get an epidural) I felt everything...but I can't feel that pain today but I remember it was painful and while I had my second child 3 years later I knew it was a terrible pain and I got an epidural b/c I didn't want to feel that way again but it is only a once in lifetime pain I guess...still not sure what descriptive word I am looking for on that...but my point is, I think time has passed too long for him to get any help, it's a different time now, things are handled way different this time than they were only 9 years ago. They didn't even think of soldiers getting PTSD, or if they did they didn't let us know. Then again I don't want his career hurt by a diagnosis that is highly stigmatized. Yes I still think there is a HUGE disconnect between what popular belief is and the culture of a heroistic society. We have these made up heroes, Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Capt. America and we don't see them with PTSD issues and these characters just pick up and go on with life. So yes I know some people want to change how people view it but I think it is a culture thing, no one wants to be viewed as weak, They even have a saying, "Only the strong survive", society looks down on that stuff or views especially men as weak. I can't think of the word I want to describe it but yes it is a serious disconnect somewhere.

Three.....Don't get me wrong I have met some really nice genuine people but I have also met some posers who don't come out and say "what can you do for me" but ordinarily in any other scenario these people wouldn't have anything to say to you. Then they really try to impress you with all their fluff and I just think to myself, "you are a fucking idiot, why are you even talking to me, is it to impress me, it isn't working" because when you get out here and do something on your own, then you are impressing me. All the while I have a ton of shit on my plate like a chronically sick kid, a husband with some sort of issues going on, regular family drama and now I have a career that I am trying to work on, and you want to talk to me about some stupid shit? GTFOH OR you are so stuck on yourself that you think you are all that, please, wake up! You aren't that important, come back down to earth, yes you are in a great position in you career but if you can't think back to one time where you mattered or you made a huge impact then I guess you aren't as good as you say you were. I just think some people need a good dose of reality and bring it down a level.

So ok that has been bothering me for a while...I sure do feel better that I said it...not really sure how many people read it, and no I am just venting...because I am sure if I said this to some people, they would really think I am the most hateful person every but hey it sure was great to vent!


  1. I love it and I think your just showing that your human and all your success you work damn hard for it. You should never have to justify your life or success, so don't do it. You have paved the way for military wives that feel like they can't have it all like myself. We feel like we have to throw our career dreams in the trash but because of you I see differently. The overwhelming part is the higher you climb the corporate ladder, the more it feels as though people want to know you for what you can do for them.Sadly that's the way the world works especially the government and political world. It goes back to that saying its not what you know it who you know. My prayers go out for your husband and to be honest I'm dealing with the samething with my husband right now so I can truely relate. Your a great woman, a strong woman, and a grounded woman and I'm honored to know you.

    1. I really do appreciate that comment...at least I know I am not alone!

  2. Totally new to your blog, I found it through a milso blog linkup.. and can I just say, that this post was SO REFRESHING.
    LET IT OUT!! haha!

    I am a true believer in venting, and ranting from time to time. If we keep it bottled up, it can mess you up.

    I'm your newest follower, and just wanted to say hi!
    I started my blog as an extension of my twitter account, specifically to reach out to other military wives, and talk about some of the REAL CRAP we go through.

    Hope to see you around. Can't wait to read more. And hang in there. You are totally right about the stigmas behind a PTSD diagnosis. It sounds like you are one strong ass woman, and you got this. Keep your head up :)

    1. Thank you so much! I am def. going to check your blog out!


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